Understanding School Refusal: Tips For Getting Your Child Back To School

Many children are excited and eager to get to school and start their day. It’s the chance to catch up with their friends, play and learn. So what do you do when your child doesn’t want to go to school? This can be a sign of school refusal, which can vary in severity. For some children it can be a reluctance to go to school; for others, it can cause high levels of distress.  

Getting your child back to school can sometimes feel like a battle of wills and determination, but it doesn’t have to be! Here we will go over what school refusal is and some techniques to learn effective school refusal tips for parents.

What Is School Refusal & Why Is School Refusal Becoming More Common?

Little people are like us – sometimes they simply don’t feel like going to school, much like we don’t feel like going to work some days. Often your child can be encouraged to go to school with a positive pep talk, but what if it’s a common occurrence? 

School refusal can become a serious problem for both children and parents. It is when a child or young person experiences high levels of emotional distress, anxiety and even fear when getting ready to go to school or staying at school. It can be symptomatic of a bigger problem.

And while schooling has returned to normal after the disruptions caused by Covid lockdowns, school refusal has been on the rise in the last few years. 

One of the most important things for parents of school refusal children to realise is that you are not alone in this. School refusal in Australia has been increasing, but there are ways to get some stability for yourself, your children and for your school. 

Identifying the Signs of School Refusal

School refusal can vary from one child to another. But there are some common signs to look out for if your child is refusing to go to school.

These include:

• Often being late to school
• Being late or away from school after a weekend or school holidays
• Repeated visits to the sick bay
• Frequent health complaints, like head or tummy aches, feeling dizzy or tired
• Trouble sleeping

Understanding the Causes of School Refusal

It’s important for parents to know that school refusal is not the same as your child misbehaving, playing up or simply ‘wagging’ school. It is often the symptom of some other issue going on in the lives of your child. It can come on gradually, or happen suddenly. 

School refusal causes can be complex, but here are some reasons why it may be happening:

• Peer-related issues, such as bullying, friendship conflicts or feeling isolated
• Conflict with teachers
• Stress from tests or exams
• Life changes that may be affecting your child can include moving home or schools, illness, exposure to family violence, parental separation and divorce. Grief for the loss of a loved one can also contribute – this can also include the loss of a beloved pet. 
• Mental health issues or learning difficulties

How to Address School Refusal at Home

One of the best things you can do to support your child is to keep the communication lines open. Your child may be wary of opening up feeling they may be in trouble, or they may not be able to articulate what they’re feeling – especially in younger children. So it’s important to take a curious approach with your child; one that is safe and non-judgemental. This will be the best way to get your child to open up.

Keep in mind that there may be shame or other feelings that your child may not want to talk about, so taking a gentle and understanding approach can help get your child to open up. Remember they may not be able to put into words how they’re feeling, especially if they fear their parents may get angry with them. It’s often hard for us as adults to confront difficult situations, let alone your child!

Speak to your child’s teachers and seek support from the school Principal or other teacher in a leadership role. Schools often have wellness coordinators or specialist psychologists who know the school environment and children well. They can help pinpoint the issue/s and suggest practical school refusal tips for parents. 

Practical Tips for Getting Your Child Back to School

Here are some tips to help parents deal with school refusal:

• Encourage and maintain a good sleep schedule for your little one. Getting enough sleep is crucial to the development of young people.
• Talk to your child about their feelings in an open and non-judgemental way. Reassure them that whatever they’re feeling is okay, and they’re not alone. Get them to identify what they’re feeling, and put it into terms they’ll understand, based on their age and learning level.
• Visit the school and make time with teaching and support staff to work through causes and solutions to help your child feel safe and comfortable at school.
• Use positive reinforcement: encourage your child by rewarding positive behaviour. Use tools like a calendar to mark off every day they go to school with a sticker or happy face stamp, so they can see the progress for themselves. 
• Stay positive. This is probably the most important one as a parent. Knowing you’re not alone in this situation is reassuring. School refusal in Australia is not isolated to one demographic, location or child. Getting to the root cause of the issue means you can potentially address any underlying issues that are hiding beneath your child not wanting to be at school. 
  
  

With some understanding of the issues around school refusal and knowing there is help available, you can make positive changes to the health and wellbeing of your child.  Follow these tips to make positive changes to your kid’s relationship with school, helping them feel more confident, supported, and engaged in their school journey.